10
“Mason?”
Jasper slung the bridle over his shoulder
and led Gucci towards the gate of the corral. Mason, pouring the last bucket of
water into the water trough, glanced up at him, and Jasper nodded at Moo, the
big, placid chestnut who was grazing at the far end of the paddock.
“Bring Moo out into the yard too, we need
to check her feet while we’re at it.”
He walked away with Gucci through the gate without a backward look, leaving Mason to consider the task for himself. He’d been talking Mason through grooming Moo most of the morning while he groomed Gucci alongside her and Mason’s wariness had gradually begun to dispel in touching and being around her. In the yard, he tethered Gucci to one of the rings on the wall of the barn, a discreet eye on Mason who hung the bucket on a gate post, and went directly to Moo. He did it in the same way he approached everyone: fast, head on, and Jasper saw Moo’s head go up, her body tense, and Mason hesitate and step back as she jerked away. The man’s face was somewhere between wary and irritated.
He walked away with Gucci through the gate without a backward look, leaving Mason to consider the task for himself. He’d been talking Mason through grooming Moo most of the morning while he groomed Gucci alongside her and Mason’s wariness had gradually begun to dispel in touching and being around her. In the yard, he tethered Gucci to one of the rings on the wall of the barn, a discreet eye on Mason who hung the bucket on a gate post, and went directly to Moo. He did it in the same way he approached everyone: fast, head on, and Jasper saw Moo’s head go up, her body tense, and Mason hesitate and step back as she jerked away. The man’s face was somewhere between wary and irritated.
“This horse does not like me, man”
“Come over here a minute.” Jasper went to the corral fence and Mason gave Moo another wary look and came to meet him.
“Come over here a minute.” Jasper went to the corral fence and Mason gave Moo another wary look and came to meet him.
“How did you approach her?” Jasper said
mildly. Mason shrugged one big shoulder.
“I walked up to her. You can see she
doesn’t like me, she acts like I’m a jerk.”
Riley would have had a succinct answer for that. Jasper answered it calmly, with patience for the man in front of him who had no idea how much he was giving away about himself. Horses were no respecter of rank or qualification, and Moo was one of their best teachers; her size in itself commanded respect and presented boundaries, she was patient and non confrontational, and she was quick to pick up on the mood of anyone who approached her.
Riley would have had a succinct answer for that. Jasper answered it calmly, with patience for the man in front of him who had no idea how much he was giving away about himself. Horses were no respecter of rank or qualification, and Moo was one of their best teachers; her size in itself commanded respect and presented boundaries, she was patient and non confrontational, and she was quick to pick up on the mood of anyone who approached her.
“Do you like people in your face? If I
strode up to you without a word and got in your face, what would you do?”
Mason winced, giving him a wry look. “...
probably punch you out.”
Jasper nodded slowly, appreciating the
honesty. “Horses have personal space too.”
Mason looked again at Moo, who had gone
back to grazing. He still looked uncomfortable in jeans and riding boots, and
he ran his palms down the sides of his jeans, wiping off sweat.
“I’m a people person. I’m a manager, I
don’t have the skill set for animals, I’m not a cowboy.”
“People are animals.” Jasper opened the gate, coming to join him. “Try again. Think about what you’re doing.”
The man wasn’t stupid; none of their clients were. They could be poor at picking up on body language, could have immature or poor social communication skills, or have excellent people manipulation skills that meant squat to a horse, but they were thinkers and they were doers, and they were rarely quitters. Mason hesitated a moment, but he walked back to Moo, and this time it was at a slower pace, with less bustle or aggression in the stride, and he stopped a few feet from her, not barging into her space head on. Moo lifted her head and looked at him instead of retreating, and Jasper saw the same thing he’d seen many times in this corral; a man directly seeing in a large, intelligent animal, how his actions affected another being.
“People are animals.” Jasper opened the gate, coming to join him. “Try again. Think about what you’re doing.”
The man wasn’t stupid; none of their clients were. They could be poor at picking up on body language, could have immature or poor social communication skills, or have excellent people manipulation skills that meant squat to a horse, but they were thinkers and they were doers, and they were rarely quitters. Mason hesitated a moment, but he walked back to Moo, and this time it was at a slower pace, with less bustle or aggression in the stride, and he stopped a few feet from her, not barging into her space head on. Moo lifted her head and looked at him instead of retreating, and Jasper saw the same thing he’d seen many times in this corral; a man directly seeing in a large, intelligent animal, how his actions affected another being.
“Good.” Jasper said quietly. “She’s
interested in you now.”
Mason put
up a hand – still slowly – to touch her neck, and Moo calmly went on
chewing. Then Mason put his hand up to
her head collar. Moo let him take it, but stood where she was, still chewing,
letting Mason pull on the rope with gradually less subtlety.
“See?” he said to Jasper, half joking, half chagrined.
“What are you doing to make her any more
interested?” Jasper pointed out. “You’ve got to persuade her around to your way
of thinking, she isn’t going to try figuring out what you want.”
“C’mon horse.” Mason clicked and shook the
rope a little. “C’mon you big ..... move a foot. This way. One two, one two.
Pick ‘em up.”
“Who are you talking to?” Jasper went back
to Gucci, not looking round. “That’s for my benefit and thanks, I’m enjoying
the comedy, but she doesn’t care.”
“You could show me how to do this?” Mason
pulled again, not roughly on Moo’s rope, and Moo dug four large feet into the
rough grass and went on chewing. “Ah man....”
Jasper, paying close attention to Gucci,
took no notice, and let Mason discover for himself where irritation and anxiety
got you with a horse who believed in doing no more work than she really had to.
She had no doubt at all who was in charge; she was standing with her weight on
her left hind hoof, the right hoof casually tilted, not budging. After a few minutes
he came back to the corral where Mason was standing at the end of Moo’s rope,
not having stalked away in impatience as he would a few weeks ago, but with no
clear idea of what to do either.
“Take her rope nearer her head. Would you
like being dragged from the far end of a rope? That’s it. Now talk to her, and
walk forward. Try a little authority.”
Cautiously. Moo’s large size and her large hooves had made an obvious impression on Mason’s mind and there was no over confidence in the hand that edged up her rope.
Cautiously. Moo’s large size and her large hooves had made an obvious impression on Mason’s mind and there was no over confidence in the hand that edged up her rope.
“Come on girl. This way. Come on.”
“Move with authority, Mason.” Jasper said
mildly, watching. “Quiet, calm, like you know what you’re doing, and she’ll
show you if she’s going to work with you.”
Mason took a slightly firmer grasp on the rope and stepped forward, and this time Moo straightened up and placidly walked with him, lowering her head a little.
Mason took a slightly firmer grasp on the rope and stepped forward, and this time Moo straightened up and placidly walked with him, lowering her head a little.
“Good.” Jasper opened the gate for them and
watched Mason walk her across the yard. “Very good. Walk her down to the other
gate and back, and then I’ll show you how to pick out her feet.”
Which didn’t need picking out, but would require Mason to handle and co operate with and communicate with Moo. After which he might be ready to try tacking her up and mounting her. Ready to take this slowly through the afternoon, and watching Mason walk with visible fluctuations in confidence down towards the gate with Moo padding beside him, Jasper cast a brief glance back towards the house with another intruding thought for Dale’s face and his voice last night, the resolve that Jasper knew came with a lot of fear. Dale invariably did what he said he would; he’d determined to talk to Paul and Jasper knew he would make himself, no matter how painful he found it.
Which didn’t need picking out, but would require Mason to handle and co operate with and communicate with Moo. After which he might be ready to try tacking her up and mounting her. Ready to take this slowly through the afternoon, and watching Mason walk with visible fluctuations in confidence down towards the gate with Moo padding beside him, Jasper cast a brief glance back towards the house with another intruding thought for Dale’s face and his voice last night, the resolve that Jasper knew came with a lot of fear. Dale invariably did what he said he would; he’d determined to talk to Paul and Jasper knew he would make himself, no matter how painful he found it.
*
“This is something you’ve worked on for a
long time.” he said gently to Dale, much later that day. “I think it’s
something to celebrate that you see this in yourself and you want to tell us
about it.”
‘Want’ was a slightly relative term. ‘Choked out with a lot of firm encouragement from Paul’ was probably more accurate. Dale and Paul were sitting on the porch swing in the growing darkness, a step further away into privacy as Mason, who was exhausted at the end of each day and still burning off stress and long term abuse of alcohol, had been in bed and asleep for almost an hour. Jasper was sitting on the porch rail. Flynn had taken one of the basket chairs with his arm loosely around Riley who was perched on the chair’s arm. There had been times when Dale was upset or in trouble that they’d had to cope with Riley getting defensive on his behalf and Flynn had placed himself strategically with an idea of what was coming, but Riley’s face was sober and compassionate as he listened; he had no difficulty understanding this at all.
‘Want’ was a slightly relative term. ‘Choked out with a lot of firm encouragement from Paul’ was probably more accurate. Dale and Paul were sitting on the porch swing in the growing darkness, a step further away into privacy as Mason, who was exhausted at the end of each day and still burning off stress and long term abuse of alcohol, had been in bed and asleep for almost an hour. Jasper was sitting on the porch rail. Flynn had taken one of the basket chairs with his arm loosely around Riley who was perched on the chair’s arm. There had been times when Dale was upset or in trouble that they’d had to cope with Riley getting defensive on his behalf and Flynn had placed himself strategically with an idea of what was coming, but Riley’s face was sober and compassionate as he listened; he had no difficulty understanding this at all.
“I’ve done it again and again.” Dale said
rather thickly. “I hadn’t really thought about how much until I saw Mason doing
it. It’s habit in small ways, which actually bothers me more than the serious
times. And even in those incidents I wasn’t always open about it. I got Jas
into difficulties up on Mustang Hill because I wouldn’t come back and say I’d
felt something up there that scared the hell out of me.”
“When
you feel vulnerable, you avoid.” Flynn said quietly, without criticism. “You
want to be sure of what we see and what we’ll think, and have some control so
you’re sure we’re not going to do something you can’t handle. You don’t like asking
for much from us at all.”
“I do ask.....” Dale began rather lamely. Riley snorted and Paul gave him a wry look.
“I do ask.....” Dale began rather lamely. Riley snorted and Paul gave him a wry look.
“Darling, for what? If you see one of us
upset or in difficulties you’ll do anything to help, and you’re very good about
remembering to ask our permission before you do things, but in yourself you’re
very undemanding. In fact mostly you work on implying to me that you don’t need
anything at all. You know I can’t remember any time you’ve said to me you were
hungry? You might come and help me with dinner, but you don’t tell me you need
to eat. You don’t like it if I ask you too directly what you want to eat, especially
if it’s only you I’m making a meal for.”
“Which is avoidant. Which is what we’re talking about.” Flynn agreed. “Rules are ok, the personal ground isn’t.”
“Which is avoidant. Which is what we’re talking about.” Flynn agreed. “Rules are ok, the personal ground isn’t.”
“And the more personal it gets....?” Riley
gave Dale a look that was as amused as it was sympathetic. “Offer, yes. Co
operate, no problem. Ask.... ? You’d think you were straight. Or a monk.”
“Look, isn’t there something I can read on this?” Dale appealed to him. “Just give me something I can study, like you did with the perfectionism-”
“Look, isn’t there something I can read on this?” Dale appealed to him. “Just give me something I can study, like you did with the perfectionism-”
“You don’t need third hand information, you
need practice in feeling and doing.” Jasper said calmly. “Studying this is
another way of stepping back from it. I know you’re most comfortable when
you’re reading and doing this in an academic way, but that to me is a warning
sign we’re moving away from the problem, not towards it.”
“Hot and cold.” Paul said to Dale who winced.
“Hot and cold.” Paul said to Dale who winced.
“I still don’t get the relevance of what
hot and cold has to do with any of this.”
“Most of your coping strategies are based
on distracting yourself from and shutting down emotion.” Flynn said, and Riley
rolled his eyes skyward.
“Oh no kidding, we get this. No one needs
to ‘do’ anything, this is no kind of a problem. Dale, quit any distractions
including obsessing on what you’re doing wrong and try trusting us; Top type
people keep jumping right on the eye contact and the evasive stuff and the
sarcasm and the mucking about just like you always do, and it’s going to be
fine. We’re good at this. I’m hungry.” He added to Paul, who nodded
with a lot of understanding as to why Riley wanted sugar and a change of
subject.
“There’s banana bread in the tin love,
bring it out here and put the kettle on.”
Riley got up and stooped as he passed Dale
to give him a rough, tackling hug from behind that hid both their faces for a
moment. Dale sounded a little unsteady when Riley disappeared into the kitchen
and cleared his throat.
“..... Yes. What he said. I’m sorry, I feel
so bad about this. I haven’t tried hard enough, or I’ve let myself slip on
things I know-”
“No, that isn’t true,” Flynn interrupted firmly. “That’s exactly what Riley’s saying. This is about you having reached a deeper level of understanding of something you already know and do.” He got up and came to the other side of the swing, sitting down beside Dale. “And he’s right; this is all about trust. You know how the kind of avoidant pattern happens that you’re struggling with? Usually when a child is upset or anxious, goes for comfort and gets rejected.”
“No, that isn’t true,” Flynn interrupted firmly. “That’s exactly what Riley’s saying. This is about you having reached a deeper level of understanding of something you already know and do.” He got up and came to the other side of the swing, sitting down beside Dale. “And he’s right; this is all about trust. You know how the kind of avoidant pattern happens that you’re struggling with? Usually when a child is upset or anxious, goes for comfort and gets rejected.”
Paul was watching Dale’s face and saw a
flinch. Very brief, but definitely there.
“I am not,” he said with unsteady humour,
and that was defensive too, “participating in any Freudian plots to blame
everything on my mother. It is not
going to get that pathetic.”
“Which is shattering,” Flynn went on
quietly, taking no notice, “to the point that with enough repetition, that child
stops taking the risk of looking for comfort or even the risk of showing a need
for it. It’s based on experience of having been let down to the point of giving
up. Does that fit with your experience of us?”
No. Never. Dale swallowed hard, dangerously
close to the lump in his throat dissolving to something a lot less dignified. Saying
this kind of thing, out loud, was like turning his guts inside out and every
bit as painful, and being around people who talked about this kind of thing,
bluntly and openly as if it was a normal thing, was still relatively new.
“No. I do
trust you, even if I’m not much damn good at showing it. Riley said after
the mess with the fences that it was like I didn’t think anything you could do
would be any good and it wasn’t even worth telling you.”
And that had hurt like all hell, because it was acutely and horribly true.
And that had hurt like all hell, because it was acutely and horribly true.
Flynn put a hand on the back of Dale’s neck
where the muscles were tightest, rubbing at them gently.
“This is an old habit, based on old
experience. You’re in a different situation now. What it comes down to is that
it’s ok to trust us with how often you get anxious. It’s ok to tell us about
things that might seem to you too trivial or irrational to be anxious about,
and expect us not to let you down. And we can tell you over and over that it’s
ok, but you’ve got to trust us enough to be willing to try it out a few times.”
Don’t
touch me.
Dale’s shoulders were saying it clearly,
hunching under Flynn’s hand on his neck in resistance of Flynn loosening the
knot there. Paul watched Flynn put his hands one on either shoulder, grasping
both firmly with an authority Dale always responded to.
“Breathe. Put your shoulders down, open
your hands.”
No.
No.
Elbows on his knees, head down, hands
clenched tightly together and holding his breath as he often did when he was
working on containing something, as if he was physically stooped over it to
hold it down. Watching him, as he’d been watching Dale all day, it occurred to
Paul again just how much energy Dale put into containing himself. Flynn waited,
hands heavy enough on Dale’s shoulders to press against the tension, not
forcing, but not giving up or backing off either, and after a minute, Dale finally
let them sink down and his hands unknotted and let go of each other. It was
where he’d been holding the emotion. As soon as he did it, the first choke
burst out of him, and Flynn sat back in the swing, gently pulling Dale over and
folding both arms tight around him. Jasper stood up from the porch rail and
crouched in front of them, putting his hands on Dale’s hips and then a very
gentle hand against his face. Paul leaned on Jasper’s shoulder to get up from
the swing, with a lot of compassion and a firmly normal tone of voice, thinking
Dale had probably taken all he could stand for one day.
“I’m going to give Riley a hand, and then
we need to think about going to bed.”
Jasper took his place on the swing, calm and very certain, and Dale was deeply attuned to Jasper. Paul saw it at times when Jasper simply reached for his hand and Dale folded up at his feet in the evening, or when they stood together for hours in the river, fishing in parallel comfortable silence. Jasper believed strongly in being prepared to break eggs to make omelettes, it was a powerful part of his philosophy and he was unafraid of mess and a believer in not protecting people from pain and difficulty to the point they were unable to learn from it. Support, yes; protect from; no. Paul helped Riley bring mugs of tea and plates of the banana bread out onto the porch, and while Riley looked at Dale with sympathy, it equally wasn’t with distress. Paul watched him sit near them with his back to the porch rails, calm in a way that only someone could be who didn’t harbour the slightest hesitation about melting down the way Dale was doing now.
Jasper took his place on the swing, calm and very certain, and Dale was deeply attuned to Jasper. Paul saw it at times when Jasper simply reached for his hand and Dale folded up at his feet in the evening, or when they stood together for hours in the river, fishing in parallel comfortable silence. Jasper believed strongly in being prepared to break eggs to make omelettes, it was a powerful part of his philosophy and he was unafraid of mess and a believer in not protecting people from pain and difficulty to the point they were unable to learn from it. Support, yes; protect from; no. Paul helped Riley bring mugs of tea and plates of the banana bread out onto the porch, and while Riley looked at Dale with sympathy, it equally wasn’t with distress. Paul watched him sit near them with his back to the porch rails, calm in a way that only someone could be who didn’t harbour the slightest hesitation about melting down the way Dale was doing now.
“We need to think about how Dale and Ri
want to handle this between themselves.” Jasper said calmly. “Riley’s as
entitled as the rest of us to call Dale on this kind of behaviour if he sees
it, but I don’t think he’s going to want to handle it the way the three of us
would.”
“We don’t need to think about it because I’m just going to tell one of you if it’s something I’m worried about.” Riley said frankly through a mouthful of cake. “Sorry Dale, but I will. I’ve kind of got that one figured by now.”
“You know I agree with you.” Dale was still gulping, but he drew away from Flynn, looking a little calmer and his voice as soft and even as it always was. “If I didn’t think it needed to be dealt with I wouldn’t have said anything.”
“Which is fine with the big things but we’re talking about the small things.” Jasper took a plate from Paul with a slice of the banana bread on it, holding it where Flynn and Dale could help themselves. “Picking up on the details, and you’re going to need all of us to be consistent and persistent if we’re going to be any help. You’re accountable to Riley too.”
“I’m not telling him to sit or follow me around,” Riley said emphatically, “If he didn’t laugh, I would. Er, pot? This is kettle. Pick a corner.”
“We don’t need to think about it because I’m just going to tell one of you if it’s something I’m worried about.” Riley said frankly through a mouthful of cake. “Sorry Dale, but I will. I’ve kind of got that one figured by now.”
“You know I agree with you.” Dale was still gulping, but he drew away from Flynn, looking a little calmer and his voice as soft and even as it always was. “If I didn’t think it needed to be dealt with I wouldn’t have said anything.”
“Which is fine with the big things but we’re talking about the small things.” Jasper took a plate from Paul with a slice of the banana bread on it, holding it where Flynn and Dale could help themselves. “Picking up on the details, and you’re going to need all of us to be consistent and persistent if we’re going to be any help. You’re accountable to Riley too.”
“I’m not telling him to sit or follow me around,” Riley said emphatically, “If he didn’t laugh, I would. Er, pot? This is kettle. Pick a corner.”
“You can challenge him,” Paul said , taking
his mug and plate to Flynn’s vacated chair. “And you need to in the same way we
would, you often tell us what to look for.”
“And if you think we’d do more than
challenge, you can ask Dale to tell one of us.” Flynn added. “You know you can
trust him to do it. Although I think for a while Dale needs to be with one of
the three of us.”
“Yes, back to stage one.” Dale said lightly, which did not quite cover the bleakness of failure in his voice. “Again.”
“No, not at all, you are not a client and you’re not in any trouble, so stop it.” Paul told him firmly. “When you’re having a hard time we want you close around us.”
“Yes, back to stage one.” Dale said lightly, which did not quite cover the bleakness of failure in his voice. “Again.”
“No, not at all, you are not a client and you’re not in any trouble, so stop it.” Paul told him firmly. “When you’re having a hard time we want you close around us.”
Dale glanced at him, flushing a little
darker, and Paul thought he wasn’t sure whether he found that thought more attractive
or alarming.
“Which reminds me.” Jasper rocked the swing
slowly, feet against the boards which made it creak softly. “I think we’re about
ready to start on the next stage with Mason. Everything we need him to be doing
at this point he’s doing. He follows instructions most of the time, he’s doing
what I ask with supervision to make sure it’s done right, he’s started to talk
about why he’s here and what he’s here to do, and health wise he’s doing a lot
better. He’s sleeping well, eating well, we’ve seen some genuine testing and
working through with us, and he’s done enough well the last few days to
understand having earned some privileges. I got him up on Moo for an hour this
afternoon and he was making some progress with her.”
The change of subject lifted some of the
tension, for which Dale looked more than ready and deeply grateful.
“I haven’t seen anything to make me
disagree.” Flynn glanced at Dale, who raised his eyebrows at him.
“You think I’d know?”
“I’d think you’re very qualified to know.”
Paul pointed out. “I agree. He’s following the routine well, after that fight
with Jas the other day I’d say we’re seeing some honest thinking through of
what’s happening.”
“And he’s doing ok with his chores.” Riley added. “Did we have a mention of a named person on his admission paperwork?”
“And he’s doing ok with his chores.” Riley added. “Did we have a mention of a named person on his admission paperwork?”
“His mother as his next of kin in Los
Angeles.” Paul said, reflecting. “He stayed in regular contact with her, and
the paperwork said she knew where he was.”
“Want me to sound her out?” Flynn said to Jasper, who nodded.
“Want me to sound her out?” Flynn said to Jasper, who nodded.
“A lot of our clients come with someone
named as important for them to stay in touch with,” Paul said to Dale.
“Definitely a wife or partner, and children if there are any. Sometimes
parents, siblings, other family, or a close friend so long as they’re not work
related. At about this stage if they have that link with someone, we start
encouraging them to make contact by letter if they haven’t yet wanted to. One
letter sent and received a week, from each person. The limit means clients tend
to put some thought into their letter and the letters tend to be a lot more
precious because contact is rationed. People tend to be a lot more communicative
on paper than they usually are face to face or by phone.”
Paul put a lot of value into writing letters himself; they went out regularly from the house here to other family members on several different continents and letters arrived just as regularly at this house from those people: it was part of what held the bond so strong between them. Dale had joined him in writing regularly to Ash and Gerry, and more recently to Luath and to Tom, realising with Paul the difference it made when you put the thought into what you wrote to someone, and took the time to sit and read their reply, often several times.
Paul put a lot of value into writing letters himself; they went out regularly from the house here to other family members on several different continents and letters arrived just as regularly at this house from those people: it was part of what held the bond so strong between them. Dale had joined him in writing regularly to Ash and Gerry, and more recently to Luath and to Tom, realising with Paul the difference it made when you put the thought into what you wrote to someone, and took the time to sit and read their reply, often several times.
“A lot of clients tend to have screwed up
relationships because of work or other issues at the point they come here.”
Riley said candidly, finishing the last crumbs of cake. “The letters tend to help
straighten things out because it makes them really talk, but we always check
the person out and sound them out first. Needs to be someone supportive and
willing to help, and they need to agree to stick with our rules. That’s usually
the same person we invite to visit later on, the idea is when the client goes
home there’s someone who knows how we’ve been working with them and is there to
give some support.”
There was no way that could not make Dale
think of the fact he’d come to them with no one but colleagues named for him,
in particular Jerry Banks, who had been part of the workplace they’d been
shielding him from. Paul was painfully aware of it. The Westminster chimes from
the clock in the family room struck ten, and Flynn put a hand on Dale’s back.
“Then we’ve got no worries about letting
Mason move on a little. Go up and get ready for bed. You too Ri. Take your tea
with you.”
Dale never argued, it was one of those things he just did, quietly, and it wasn’t the kind of ‘good’ that sometimes made Paul’s hackles rise; Dale had a serious appreciation for those kind of orders that gave him stability and made him feel cared for, which came from years of living alone and relying entirely on himself. Riley grimaced, but got up, and Paul kissed both of them, Riley who was as calm as Jasper was, and Dale who despite all his normal poise, was still not breathing evenly, which was heartbreaking. Particularly as they so rarely ever saw him openly upset.
Dale never argued, it was one of those things he just did, quietly, and it wasn’t the kind of ‘good’ that sometimes made Paul’s hackles rise; Dale had a serious appreciation for those kind of orders that gave him stability and made him feel cared for, which came from years of living alone and relying entirely on himself. Riley grimaced, but got up, and Paul kissed both of them, Riley who was as calm as Jasper was, and Dale who despite all his normal poise, was still not breathing evenly, which was heartbreaking. Particularly as they so rarely ever saw him openly upset.
When they’d gone inside, Jasper held his
hand out to Paul, and Paul took it and let Jasper pull him up and draw him down
between himself and Flynn on the swing. Jasper’s arm wrapped around his waist,
and Flynn leaned on his knees to sip tea, which bulked his shoulders even
further under his shirt.
“He’s let out a lot today. He’s going to
need a very gentle few days.”
They weren’t unused to their clients occasionally coming to them with forms of post traumatic stress or talking through traumatic memory with all the stress it came with and the body chemistry it called up; no few of their clients had dealt with numerous highly charged and traumatic incidents in their careers. They were experienced in the aftermath it could involve and supporting clients through it, and just the fact that Flynn thought he needed to mention it to them made Paul glance at him, picking up on the warning.
They weren’t unused to their clients occasionally coming to them with forms of post traumatic stress or talking through traumatic memory with all the stress it came with and the body chemistry it called up; no few of their clients had dealt with numerous highly charged and traumatic incidents in their careers. They were experienced in the aftermath it could involve and supporting clients through it, and just the fact that Flynn thought he needed to mention it to them made Paul glance at him, picking up on the warning.
“What’s different?”
Flynn gave him an even look over the rim of
his cup.
“These are family secrets he’s starting to
tell us. All kinds of loyalties involved, deep stuff, different ballgame. It’s
taken him several days to work himself up to the point of being able to get it out to
you.”
“He got out of bed in a state of armed combat,” Paul leaned back against the swing, tipping his head back to see the first stars overhead. “Scared stiff, and hating it. At one point I told him to stop arguing using the phrase ‘not another word’, and he kept his mouth shut and signed what he thought of me.”
Flynn choked into his tea and Jasper laughed. Paul smiled, but wryly.
“He got out of bed in a state of armed combat,” Paul leaned back against the swing, tipping his head back to see the first stars overhead. “Scared stiff, and hating it. At one point I told him to stop arguing using the phrase ‘not another word’, and he kept his mouth shut and signed what he thought of me.”
Flynn choked into his tea and Jasper laughed. Paul smiled, but wryly.
“So we had a little chat about that, and
that put him over the edge. Which I think is probably what he was trying to
achieve. I’ve seen him push you to the point of making him open up and talk
before now when he knew he couldn’t do it by himself.”
“He started all this off because he was
ready to.” Flynn sat back and dropped a hand on Paul’s knee, squeezing. “You’ve
got to feel in a very secure place to be ready to open up this kind of crap,
deal with it and get rid of it. You know how motivated Dale is. If we give him
time and keep doing what we’re doing, he’ll sort it out for himself,
thoroughly.”
“Like a quarterback going for a touchdown.”
Paul said dryly. “Yes. But you’re saying this is probably not done yet, and
that it’s fragile ground.”
Flynn nodded, still drinking tea.
“Why don’t you let me or Flynn have him
tomorrow and take a few hours break?” Jasper suggested gently. Paul shook his
head.
“No, I’m fine, I’ve got energy to burn. And
that’s different for me. When he’s been spinning out before I’ve had no idea
what to do for him, what I tried to do didn’t reach him and it’s been like
chasing a tornado, but I get this. He’s
opened the door, it’s been his choice. I can see it, I know what to do and I
can see it works, and we do connect. Really connect. I can see the effort he’s
making and how much he wants to do it, and I’m happy to climb mountains or do
anything else it takes if it means we keep on connecting like this. The only
hard thing about it is wishing I could make it easier for him. ”
“He seems to believe you can.” Jasper said
mildly. “He trusted you with a major confidence for no other reason than he
wanted to share it with you. For Dale, it doesn’t get much more significant. We
ought to be celebrating.”
“Well I’d like to celebrate with a flight
out to the UK for a quiet word with his mother.” Paul said darkly. “That woman
that does not ever want to run across me when she’s alone. It makes me madder
still that Dale doesn’t seem to expect anything more of her. He’s got nothing
but sympathy for her.”
Flynn collected up the empty mugs and stretched until his shoulders cracked, getting up off the swing.
Flynn collected up the empty mugs and stretched until his shoulders cracked, getting up off the swing.
“He would do. It’s going to be an intrinsic
part of this.”
“How?” Paul demanded. Flynn gave him a mild
shrug that said he had a good idea of how, but wasn’t going into detail.
“We’ll see when we get to it. But we know he’s
protective of people. Maybe that’s something he inherited from her; we don’t
know. Whatever it is, I agree with Jas. Dale’s slaying dragons for you.”
Paul got up too, taking the mugs from Flynn and picking up the empty plates. “I look at Dale and I think what normal person wouldn’t be beyond proud to say he was their son? What more could you possibly ask for? He’s a good man. And when I’m done explaining that to Mrs Aden as was, I’ll come home via your parents’ station and give the same lecture to your father.”
Flynn caught Jasper’s eye and glanced briefly skywards as Paul disappeared into the kitchen, and Jasper smiled, pulling the keys out of his pocket.
Paul got up too, taking the mugs from Flynn and picking up the empty plates. “I look at Dale and I think what normal person wouldn’t be beyond proud to say he was their son? What more could you possibly ask for? He’s a good man. And when I’m done explaining that to Mrs Aden as was, I’ll come home via your parents’ station and give the same lecture to your father.”
Flynn caught Jasper’s eye and glanced briefly skywards as Paul disappeared into the kitchen, and Jasper smiled, pulling the keys out of his pocket.
“I’ll lock up, you go. Dale needs the
company tonight.”
Jasper would see that Paul had the same, and that hard work or not, some attention would be given to restoring Paul’s resources. It was unspoken but there. Flynn hooked an arm around his neck and kissed him, and followed Paul inside.
Jasper would see that Paul had the same, and that hard work or not, some attention would be given to restoring Paul’s resources. It was unspoken but there. Flynn hooked an arm around his neck and kissed him, and followed Paul inside.
*
He walked for a while, unhurriedly through
the long grass which whipped softly around the legs of his jeans and was mixed
with the wild flowers that grew near the river. There was an immense peace as
there always was to being out here alone. The path led from the pasture into
the woods where the sunlight dappled down through the trees, near to the place
where the steam engine lay half buried in a bank between the trees, then
without warning the path opened out into the main street of Three Traders. And
that seemed ok too. There was no one in sight, but the saloon door was open and
Dale walked slowly up the steps, aware that a phone was ringing.
That woke him. He turned over to push the
covers back, disturbing Flynn who stirred in the darkness beside him.
“Dale?”
“The phone’s ringing.” Dale headed for the
landing, startled as since they’d had Mason in the house the phone had either
been kept on silent or turned off, and anyone who didn’t know was likely to be
convinced they didn’t have one. Moving quickly before it disturbed anyone else,
Dale followed the shrill ringing down the landing to Paul’s room, easing the
half open door to let himself in. The phone lay on Paul’s dressing table and Dale
picked it up and pressed the silence button to stop the sound, unsure of
whether to kill the call or to answer it. Jasper sat up in bed and Paul sleepily
raised up beside him, and Flynn put an arm over Dale’s chest to gently take the
phone, his voice soft.
“It’s ok, you were dreaming, kid. It’s
turned off.”
“But it was just ringing, we heard it!”
Dale began and Flynn turned the phone over to show him.
“I didn’t hear anything. Look.”
The phone was unmistakeably turned off.
Jasper got out of bed and held out a hand
for it before Dale thought of anything sensible to say, and Flynn handed it
over, watching Jasper turn it on and key for messages. Paul put the nightstand
light on and blinking slightly they watched Jasper sit down on the end of the
bed and listen.
“Call from Luath,” he said after a minute,
not sounding particularly perturbed. “Less than two minutes ago. Gerry’s done a
bolt from Seattle.”
“You’re kidding?” Paul demanded. Jasper listened to the rest of the message and handed the phone to Paul.
“You’re kidding?” Paul demanded. Jasper listened to the rest of the message and handed the phone to Paul.
“Gerry left on a plane from Seattle airport
a little after midnight and the airport say he’s headed for Corpus Christi,
Texas.”
“Wade.” Paul said grimly. “He’s on his way to Wade. What on earth set him off? Is he all right? What happened?”
“Wade.” Paul said grimly. “He’s on his way to Wade. What on earth set him off? Is he all right? What happened?”
“Something to do with an employee at the
gallery, Luath didn’t say any more. He’s in a hotel in Indianapolis on some
kind of conference and he’s trying to find the fastest flight out to Corpus
Christi now. He rang to ask us for back up.”
“Ash isn’t trying to follow from Seattle?”
“Ash isn’t trying to follow from Seattle?”
Jasper shook his head. “Gerry’s got a
connection at Dallas and Ash wants to be at home in case Gerry calms down and
calls, or turns around when he gets there.”
“I can probably get to Texas quicker than Ash anyway.” Flynn said shortly. “I’ll go. Paul, give Luath a ring and tell him I’ll take the first flight I can find out of Jackson.”
“That’s going to take hours.” Pulling himself together and long experienced with finding fast ways to get half way around the globe in response to a crisis, never mind across a few states, Dale gently took the phone out of Paul’s hand. He dialled a number from memory and Paul got up, going to shut the door to defend Mason and Riley from the sound and the electric light. Whoever Dale rang answered the phone quickly, and Dale’s voice slipped into the cheerfully professional one Paul recognised from his business calls.
“I can probably get to Texas quicker than Ash anyway.” Flynn said shortly. “I’ll go. Paul, give Luath a ring and tell him I’ll take the first flight I can find out of Jackson.”
“That’s going to take hours.” Pulling himself together and long experienced with finding fast ways to get half way around the globe in response to a crisis, never mind across a few states, Dale gently took the phone out of Paul’s hand. He dialled a number from memory and Paul got up, going to shut the door to defend Mason and Riley from the sound and the electric light. Whoever Dale rang answered the phone quickly, and Dale’s voice slipped into the cheerfully professional one Paul recognised from his business calls.
“Hello, this is Dale Aden from A.N.Z., account number Sierra 75737 November Romeo 12. Thank you. I need two emergency flights pronto please.”
Paul raised his eyebrows steeply at Flynn who folded his arms, waiting. Whoever Dale was speaking to answered quickly, and Dale looked up at them.
“One from Indianapolis airport, and the
other from Falls Chance Ranch near Jackson, Wyoming. You’ll find the flight co
ordinates under my name, you’ve flown in and out of here before. Both flights
to Corpus Christi airport and on standby to return, destinations to be
confirmed. Yes. Thank you, I’ll wait.”
Flynn gave him a nod and went to get
dressed.
“About an hour, a plane’s on its way out
here.” Dale said, following him into their room a few minutes later. Flynn
hadn’t turned the light on, and was dressing in front of the window in the thin
moonlight. “Luath’s heading out for Indianapolis airport now, you’ll be at
Corpus Christi within about forty minutes of each other. Paul says come and
have breakfast.”
“It’s one o clock in the morning.” Flynn tucked his shirt into his jeans and shouldered into a sweater. “There’s no point in eating breakfast at this hour.”
“Well you can go and tell him that?” Dale said dryly. Flynn gave him a brief smile and put an arm around his waist to kiss him as he passed, giving him a close and crushing hug that said a great deal.
“It’s one o clock in the morning.” Flynn tucked his shirt into his jeans and shouldered into a sweater. “There’s no point in eating breakfast at this hour.”
“Well you can go and tell him that?” Dale said dryly. Flynn gave him a brief smile and put an arm around his waist to kiss him as he passed, giving him a close and crushing hug that said a great deal.
“Thank you. Put some socks and a sweater on
before you come downstairs.”
The four of them ate toast and hot
chocolate at the kitchen table while Paul talked to Ash, who answered the phone
with a speed that gave away his worry even if his voice was calm.
“Gerry fired someone at the gallery,” Paul said when he put the phone down, “Without telling him, which meant Gerry would be doing his own job and this other person’s too. I know Ash has been working on Gerry for a while to reduce his hours and delegate but how that equated to Gerry running off to an airport I don’t know. Ash doesn’t think Wade has any idea Gerry’s headed in his direction. I don’t know why he chose Wade anyway, why didn’t he come to us?”
Flynn snorted. “For the same reason he
didn’t go to Theo or Luath or James. He knows what we’d say to him and he
doesn’t want to hear it. Brat. We’ll get to Corpus Christi ahead of him, Wade
shouldn’t have to know anything about it.”
“At his age, Gerry turning up on his
doorstep unannounced and in floods of tears and tantrums is the last thing he
needs.” Paul said a little anxiously. “Although he’s going to be livid if he
realises we’ve been that close by and not visited.”
“I’d rather he was livid after the fact
than scared in the middle of the night, or climbing up and down those stairs
when he’s half asleep.” Flynn glanced at his watch and got up. “Time to get up
to the landing strip and get the lights on before the plane starts wondering
where it’s supposed to land.”
Dale got up with him to the get the keys to one of the four by fours and was gently forestalled by Jasper, who took them out of his hand.
“I’ll drive him up there, you need to go
back to bed.”
“Flynn, you’d better go up and say goodbye to Riley,” Paul said as Flynn picked up a jacket. Flynn snorted, shouldering in to it.
“Flynn, you’d better go up and say goodbye to Riley,” Paul said as Flynn picked up a jacket. Flynn snorted, shouldering in to it.
“Why? He’s the one person Gerry hasn’t yet
managed to wreck a night’s sleep for or get upset. I’m not disturbing him for
no good reason at this hour. I’ll be back by tonight.”
“He isn’t going to like it.” Paul warned. Flynn zipped the jacket and gave Paul a brief kiss, heading out of the door.
“He isn’t going to like it.” Paul warned. Flynn zipped the jacket and gave Paul a brief kiss, heading out of the door.
“He’ll live, and he’ll get a few more hours rest without worrying. This is only a bloody drama, not a crisis.”
Dale followed him out onto the privacy of
the dark porch where Flynn pulled him close and opened his jacket, wrapping it
around Dale. In the cover of darkness, with Flynn’s arms around him and Flynn’s
breath on his face, Dale shut his eyes, hating the tone in his voice enough to
say it almost under his breath.
“It would make more sense for me to go with
you. I know the airline.”
“Which is a roundabout way of saying you
want to come with me. Why?” Flynn said in his ear, and squeezed when Dale
didn’t answer him. “Hey.”
“Because I don’t want to be here alone with Paul.” Dale muttered. “Which is ridiculous,”
Flynn pulled him closer. “Look at me.”
“Because I don’t want to be here alone with Paul.” Dale muttered. “Which is ridiculous,”
Flynn pulled him closer. “Look at me.”
Dale lifted his eyes with difficulty.
Flynn’s eyes weren’t critical or finding this funny, but they definitely meant
business and they saw straight through him.
“Why don’t you want to?”
That was a horrible question. Dale twisted
unsuccessfully to get out of Flynn’s arms.
“No. I don’t mean it, and you haven’t got
time for this.”
Flynn freed one hand and swatted him,
firmly enough to make him stand still.
“I’ll decide when we’re done talking; not
you. I’m waiting.”
Dale shut his teeth and pressed his
forehead hard against Flynn’s chest.
“...I told you all far too much last night,
especially Paul, which was a very bad idea, it scares the hell out of me, he
knows way too much and I don’t want to face another day of it.”
‘Don’t want to’, not ‘can’t’. Flynn held on
to him, deeply appreciating the determination and the brutal honesty in the
admittance.
“And?”
“You never give up, do you?” Dale shoved
against him without much force and without rocking Flynn an inch, and Flynn
swallowed on a brief snort of laughter before it disturbed the horses in the
corral or Riley and Mason sleeping upstairs.
“You’ve got no idea, kid. Try.”
“....I don’t like that you’re going.” Dale muttered it, head still down against Flynn’s chest. “You need to and I want you to, Gerry shouldn’t be alone and I’m sorry, I love that you don’t think twice about it and it’s how it should be-”
“I know this isn’t a good time,” Flynn interrupted quietly. “And I know you need me too. I’m going to be gone twenty four hours, if that. No, stop talking and listen to me.” he added, feeling Dale breathe in to protest he was perfectly competent to manage as long as was necessary. Dale stayed inflated but kept his mouth shut and Flynn swayed slowly, holding him closely enough to make him feel it and talking quietly against his ear. “Just listen to me. You’re safe here with the others, you know you’re safe with Paul, and it’s going to be ok. I’m going to call as soon as I get to Texas and let you know what’s happening and when I’ll be back, and I’m going to make this as fast as I can. Don’t argue, tell me if you heard that.”
“....I don’t like that you’re going.” Dale muttered it, head still down against Flynn’s chest. “You need to and I want you to, Gerry shouldn’t be alone and I’m sorry, I love that you don’t think twice about it and it’s how it should be-”
“I know this isn’t a good time,” Flynn interrupted quietly. “And I know you need me too. I’m going to be gone twenty four hours, if that. No, stop talking and listen to me.” he added, feeling Dale breathe in to protest he was perfectly competent to manage as long as was necessary. Dale stayed inflated but kept his mouth shut and Flynn swayed slowly, holding him closely enough to make him feel it and talking quietly against his ear. “Just listen to me. You’re safe here with the others, you know you’re safe with Paul, and it’s going to be ok. I’m going to call as soon as I get to Texas and let you know what’s happening and when I’ll be back, and I’m going to make this as fast as I can. Don’t argue, tell me if you heard that.”
He wasn’t asking if he had said it loud
enough.
“Yes.” Dale said unwillingly.
“I want you to promise me you’ll stay here
with Paul. And answer me properly.”
Without evasion or sarcasm or anything else that meant shrugging off what he was saying without having to listen to it or let it in.
Without evasion or sarcasm or anything else that meant shrugging off what he was saying without having to listen to it or let it in.
“....... yes sir.”
“Good. This is going to be all right.” Flynn nudged up his face and kissed him, deeply and thoroughly enough to block out the wind chill coming across the yard, and anything else but him, at least for a moment. Jasper was waiting in the doorway and Dale made himself let go of Flynn like a grown up and stand back, watching him walk away with Jasper towards the garage.
“Good. This is going to be all right.” Flynn nudged up his face and kissed him, deeply and thoroughly enough to block out the wind chill coming across the yard, and anything else but him, at least for a moment. Jasper was waiting in the doorway and Dale made himself let go of Flynn like a grown up and stand back, watching him walk away with Jasper towards the garage.
Paul was watching too in the doorway, his
arms folded. Dale glanced back at him, reading his face as the jeep drove
quietly out onto the grass track that led the mile or two up to the airstrip
and out of sight, then went quietly to guide Paul into the warmth of the
kitchen, closing the door behind them.
“Paul, I’ll clear this up, sit down and
finish your tea.”
“It can wait until morning.” Paul picked up his half empty mug and topped it with hot water from the kettle, then held out a hand to Dale. “Honey leave it, it’s more important to get some sleep. We’re not going to hear anything for a good few hours. Go on, say it, I can see you thinking it.”
“It can wait until morning.” Paul picked up his half empty mug and topped it with hot water from the kettle, then held out a hand to Dale. “Honey leave it, it’s more important to get some sleep. We’re not going to hear anything for a good few hours. Go on, say it, I can see you thinking it.”
“Leaving that mess is like fingernails down
a blackboard.” Dale said wryly. Paul smiled and turned out the light, taking
Dale’s hand firmly.
“Yes, to me too, and we’re still leaving it
because the gremlins won’t get us. Come on.”
The teasing was gentle and it helped.
Walking with him, Dale said it cautiously, not wanting to worry Paul any
further.
“Is this a pattern of Gerry’s?”
“...........Unfortunately, yes. Kind of.”
Paul sounded rather tired and definitely worried. “Which is why we’re all being
fairly calm about it. There are reasons. He’s got a flair for drama and for
panicking, I know you saw him bolt here from Seattle last spring, and I’ve
known him stomp off to Theo and Bear when he’s angry enough, they’re only a
couple of hours away by car and he and Ash spend a lot of time with them anyway,
but this kind of running away – it’s an old habit and he hasn’t done it in
quite a while.”
“What kind of event might have led to that?”
“What kind of event might have led to that?”
It was that kind of quiet, problem solving
logic that made Dale sound a lot like Philip sometimes, and Paul, who was
someone who thought and felt best in words, found it deeply calming in a
crisis, as much as the gentle pressure of Dale’s hand around his as they walked
upstairs.
“It’ll be something more than just a
disagreement over the gallery, but it won’t be anything awful, don’t worry. He and Ash won’t have had any kind of fight.
He and Ash aren’t ‘fight’ kind of people at all, Gerry hates loud voices and
rows and Ash isn’t exactly the hair triggered temper type. They’ve always
tended to go more for writing things down, structured discussions when they hit
a disagreement, because that’s how Ash thinks anyway and it takes the heat out
of it for Gerry.” Paul tugged on Dale’s hand as they reached the landing. “Come
on in with me. Yes, I am going to insist, you’re not going to take care of me
until I get distracted enough to leave you alone. And yes, I do have a nasty,
cynical mind.”
That was so very far from the truth that
Dale shook his head, amusement colouring at least some of very mixed feelings
about Flynn on the landing strip in the dark a couple of miles away, waiting
for a plane, and Ash in Seattle, having a miserable night of high anxiety, and
Gerry, no doubt equally miserable, somewhere on a plane and by himself. And
Paul. Right here. Who probably wouldn’t have insisted like this a few weeks
ago. Who probably would have gone no further than to send him back to bed, who
might at the most have sat with him for a few minutes to talk, but Paul didn’t
hesitate tonight. There was a confidence and an intimacy in his grasp that was
new, and he turned the light off, shook the covers out over them both and
settled back, holding out an arm to Dale.
“Come on, come over here and look like you
belong. You can make my life hell for it all day tomorrow if you want, but come
here anyway.”
“I’m not that horrible.” Dale pulled the pillows straight behind him and lay
back beside Paul, who shook his head.
“Nice try.”
“You’re as bad as Jasper on the quiet.”
Dale complained, but without much heat. Paul went on waiting, arm still open to
him, and Dale sighed and shifted over inside it, settling with his head against
Paul’s shoulder. It had been cold outside; Paul’s warmth was very welcome and
Dale found himself instinctively moulding closer to him, burying himself in the
deep comfort of being held when he let it in.
“I don’t think you’re horrible at all.”
Paul said, hugging him. “I’m actually thinking thank goodness we have you and
that you can hear calls and know where to find us planes in the middle of the
night when we wouldn’t have a clue, and I’m trying not to think about what
that’s likely to cost.”
“They’ll charge it to my account and that’s no kind of problem. I left all the various accounts I had intact when I left A.N.Z., I had no idea which were going to be useful and which weren’t, and so far several have been.” Dale was quiet for a moment, some of his mind on where the two planes were headed right now, and a lot of the rest of it not wanting to talk or think at all beyond how it felt to lie here, like this. And to feel a lot of the internal clamour die away.
“They’ll charge it to my account and that’s no kind of problem. I left all the various accounts I had intact when I left A.N.Z., I had no idea which were going to be useful and which weren’t, and so far several have been.” Dale was quiet for a moment, some of his mind on where the two planes were headed right now, and a lot of the rest of it not wanting to talk or think at all beyond how it felt to lie here, like this. And to feel a lot of the internal clamour die away.
“Are you expecting Gerry to come back here
with Flynn?”
“It’s going to depend on what they decide
when they’ve had a chance to talk.” Paul settled deeper into the pillows behind
him, and Dale felt him deliberately relax, settling himself to be able to sleep
and drawing Dale down with him. “It’s going to be a few hours before we hear
anything.”
*
Expecting to fight his way through business
flights and tourists on arrival at Corpus Christi airport, Flynn was startled
to find himself met on the tarmac by a smiling woman in uniform who led him
from the small chartered plane on which he had been the sole passenger, to a
quiet entryway and a lounge decidedly more comfortable and empty than most
people ever got to see in airports. The sole other occupier of the VIP lounge
was Luath, roughly dressed in an open necked shirt with the tie hanging loose
and a rather crumpled charcoal grey business suit, sitting on a deep couch with
a cup of coffee cradled between his big hands. He put it on the tray set in front
of him at the sight of Flynn and got up to give him an engulfing hug.
“Hey. Dale thought of everything, I’ve just
been told both planes are waiting on the tarmac for a decision on where we want
to go next, and apparently that’s no kind of problem. I want to know who he
knows that he can make this ‘no problem’. If I tried I’d hit a whole world of
no.”
“When’s Gerry’s plane due?” Flynn returned the hug hard, aware that Luath was talking slightly too fast and it spoke of anxiety as much as a man staying awake on caffeine. “And what are you drinking that rubbish for?”
“When’s Gerry’s plane due?” Flynn returned the hug hard, aware that Luath was talking slightly too fast and it spoke of anxiety as much as a man staying awake on caffeine. “And what are you drinking that rubbish for?”
“To stay awake. Keep the lectures for your
clients. I’ve been up all night.” Luath let him go and rubbed his eyes. “Gerry’s
plane lands in about forty minutes, gate seven, the airport staff told me to
bring him back here and let them know what we’re planning to do, and they’ll
start negotiating flight plans. I’m going to strangle Gerry when I get my hands
on him, I’m getting too old for this. I need to go shave and try to look
respectable. If Philip saw me right now..”
“He’d what?” Flynn picked up the coffee
pot, sniffed it and grimaced, and put it down to pick up a bottle of water from
the tray. Luath ran his hands over his head to smooth his very close cropped
hair.
“... well I know exactly how he’d look at
me. Do you feel as guilty as I do?”
“Guilty?” Flynn gave him a direct look over
the edge of the water bottle. “No? We were all creeping around the house and
whispering this morning because we like it.”
Luath grinned and disappeared into the
bathroom. Not so very long ago, they’d have been doing everything they could to
discreetly carry out a mission like this without attracting Philip’s attention,
partly to avoid worrying him, but mostly if they were honest because solving
problems amongst themselves saved the current miscreant from having his
misdeeds come to Philip’s attention. It rarely worked, but Philip had been good
at pretending to look the other way.
Flynn drank water and walked off the stiffness
of the flight. It was approaching five am, the sun was starting to come up on
the tarmac outside and planes were taxiing in and out in their well spaced
order. Luath reappeared in a fresh shirt, looking less rumpled and more awake, and
balled up his used shirt, pushing it into the small hand case beside his coat.
“I only packed for an overnight stay, I was
planning to head back to New York this morning. Let’s go find this gate.”
“Have you got any idea what triggered Gerry?” Flynn followed him into a long hallway, where the main lounges were signposted. Luath shook his head.
“Have you got any idea what triggered Gerry?” Flynn followed him into a long hallway, where the main lounges were signposted. Luath shook his head.
“Ash said he knew what this was about and
it wasn’t a disaster. I don’t think he was planning to go into details without
Gerry’s permission, but you know Ash, he doesn’t get excited no matter what
happens. If Rog had ever stormed out on me and got on a plane I’d have been
needing gin and valium.”
“Rog wouldn’t have stormed anywhere, he
didn’t know how.” Flynn stopped underneath another selection of signs. “Gate
seven. This way.”
They stood for a while, watching the steady
stream of passengers walk through the gate, before they saw a familiar figure,
carrying nothing but a small rucksack, in need of a shave and his hair as
rumpled as his clothes. He had been walking with a tight, determined stride,
but he stopped dead at the sight of the two of them standing side by side at
the gate and waiting for him, Flynn with his arms folded, Luath leaning against
the wall, and his eyes went wide with shock, and then with growing outrage.
“No! What
are you doing here? How did you-”
“How about we don’t make a scene in public?”
Luath held out a hand for the rucksack. “Let’s go somewhere we can talk.”
“I’m not going anywhere with you!” Gerry
yanked away from Luath and Luath put a large hand on his shoulder which stopped
him dead, his deep voice quiet, but very definite.
“Gerald. I’ve been up all night. Ash is
frantic, Flynn’s left a houseful of people who lost a night’s sleep worrying
about you, this is a really bad time to tick off either of us and if you shriek
like that we’re going to be explaining ourselves to a security guard.”
“I didn’t ask for you to be here!” Gerry
swung the rucksack up between them, trying to shake Luath’s hand away, his voice
getting higher which was starting to attract attention from the other passersby.
“Ash had no right telling you anything! I can go where I damn well want, I
don’t need your permission and I don’t need the heavy mob!”
“Hello to you too. Are you all right?” Flynn took no notice of the defensive rucksack and put a hand behind Gerry’s neck, discreetly dropping a kiss on his forehead. That was all it took. Gerry shivered all over, then put both arms tightly around his waist and Flynn hugged him as Gerry dissolved into tears.
“Ok. It’s ok. Let’s go somewhere quieter
and we’ll straighten this out.”
In
the privacy of the VIP lounge, Gerry was still shivering and hiccupping twenty
minutes later, Luath’s jacket around his shoulders and a cup of tea between his
hands. Seated on the table where he could watch both Gerry and Luath as they
talked – or rather as Luath talked, and coaxed and did his best to prise open
Gerry’s shell- Flynn thought Gerry looked tired and fragile, and his soft eyes
refilled with tears every time Luath guided the rather one sided conversation
beyond anything but the immediate here and now.
“Can’t you just tell me what was so bad you
left Seattle?” Luath asked at one point and Gerry responded immediately and
indignantly,
“I did not
leave Ash! He knows I didn’t! And don’t any of you dare blame him either!”
“I’ve known Ash for twenty years,” Luath pointed out, “And I know he’s known since the day he met you that if he ever did anything wrong to you he’d have the whole bunch of us to deal with, so I’m not likely to blame him for anything. But you haven’t run like this in years, and I’m worried about it. Gerry, if there’s something you need help with you need to tell us.”
“I’ve known Ash for twenty years,” Luath pointed out, “And I know he’s known since the day he met you that if he ever did anything wrong to you he’d have the whole bunch of us to deal with, so I’m not likely to blame him for anything. But you haven’t run like this in years, and I’m worried about it. Gerry, if there’s something you need help with you need to tell us.”
Gerry ducked his head and didn’t answer,
and Flynn watched Luath, who had known Gerry a lot longer than he had and was
of his generation, try to approach it from at least two more angles before he
intervened, saying matter of factly,
“All right, if you don’t want to talk about
why, then we can leave that for later. What’s important right now is deciding what
we’re going to do about getting out of this airport. Ash needs to know you’re
safe and with us, and he has a right to be involved in the discussion on what
you do next.”
“I don’t want to talk to him!” Gerry said
in a panic. Luath gave Flynn a look that said he was prepared for this to get
difficult, and drew out his phone.
“That part’s tough, Ger. You’re married to
the man, he’s scared stiff about where you are, and it’s a bit late to worry
about what he’s going to say to you.”
Gerry curled up in his chair like a
hedgehog, and Luath dialled. The phone was obviously answered immediately, and
anxiously judging by the calm tone that Ash’s deep, chocolate voice assumed.
“Ash it’s me, we’ve got him. He’s fine.
He’s tearful and tired, but he’s all right.”
He listened to whatever Ash said for a few seconds, then held the phone out to Gerry, giving him a hard look and ignoring Gerry’s imploring one until Gerry swallowed and very unwillingly put out a hand to accept the phone. He said nothing at all when he put the phone to his ear, but whatever he heard reduced him instantly to tears. He didn’t take the phone away though, and Flynn, watching his face and his body language for clues, saw nothing frightened or angry in his body language. Sad, yes. Panicked, yes. But this was Gerry in a state rather than Gerry with anything desperately wrong, and if Flynn was any judge, whatever Ash was saying to him right now was comforting and helping a lot more than he and Luath were. It was a while and Gerry still hadn’t answered much when he finally managed a very shaky “Ok,” and handed the phone to Flynn, noticeably calmer.
He listened to whatever Ash said for a few seconds, then held the phone out to Gerry, giving him a hard look and ignoring Gerry’s imploring one until Gerry swallowed and very unwillingly put out a hand to accept the phone. He said nothing at all when he put the phone to his ear, but whatever he heard reduced him instantly to tears. He didn’t take the phone away though, and Flynn, watching his face and his body language for clues, saw nothing frightened or angry in his body language. Sad, yes. Panicked, yes. But this was Gerry in a state rather than Gerry with anything desperately wrong, and if Flynn was any judge, whatever Ash was saying to him right now was comforting and helping a lot more than he and Luath were. It was a while and Gerry still hadn’t answered much when he finally managed a very shaky “Ok,” and handed the phone to Flynn, noticeably calmer.
“He wants to talk to you.”
“Hi Ash.” Flynn got up, eyes on the tarmac
outside. Ash sounded tired too but deeply relieved.
“Thank you so much. Flynn, I can hear he’s
in no state to fly anywhere alone-”
“That’s not going to be a problem, don’t worry.” Flynn interrupted quietly. “Luath’s able to go with him back to Seattle or wait with him here for you, or I can take him with me to Wyoming, whichever the two of you want.”
“We can’t possibly haul Luath out to Seattle.” Ash said heavily, “It’s bad enough we’ve dragged the two of you all over the mid west. Since I think this is probably a convoluted way of Gerry getting himself to Wyoming anyway, please can you take him home with you? I’ll organise work to manage a few days without me this morning and get the first flight out I can.”
“That’s not going to be a problem, don’t worry.” Flynn interrupted quietly. “Luath’s able to go with him back to Seattle or wait with him here for you, or I can take him with me to Wyoming, whichever the two of you want.”
“We can’t possibly haul Luath out to Seattle.” Ash said heavily, “It’s bad enough we’ve dragged the two of you all over the mid west. Since I think this is probably a convoluted way of Gerry getting himself to Wyoming anyway, please can you take him home with you? I’ll organise work to manage a few days without me this morning and get the first flight out I can.”
“No problem, we’ll call you when we get
there.”
“Thanks.” Ash took another breath, and Flynn could hear him both thinking and calming down from several very long hours of worrying. “Can I talk to Gerry again please?”
“Thanks.” Ash took another breath, and Flynn could hear him both thinking and calming down from several very long hours of worrying. “Can I talk to Gerry again please?”
Flynn handed the phone back to Gerry, and
Luath got up, having got the gist of the conversation.
“I’ll find the staff here and organise a
flight plan, and I’ll come with you. If you’ve got a client, you’re going to
need another pair of hands to keep the work covered while we sort this out.”
That was part of it. Another and much bigger part was that Luath would never walk away from Gerry in a state like this until he was convinced that whatever was going on with him was sorted out. Flynn waited, an eye on Gerry who was sniffling but listening to whatever Ash was saying, and at least now occasionally making murmuring sounds that sounded like agreement.
That was part of it. Another and much bigger part was that Luath would never walk away from Gerry in a state like this until he was convinced that whatever was going on with him was sorted out. Flynn waited, an eye on Gerry who was sniffling but listening to whatever Ash was saying, and at least now occasionally making murmuring sounds that sounded like agreement.
“Ok.” He said unsteadily. “I will. Mmn.” A
moment more and then much more plaintively, “Oh don’t go yet...”
No, there wasn’t much of a problem there.
Flynn put a hand out to hold Gerry’s, and let Ash deal with it, and while Gerry
sounded distinctly closer to tears, a moment later he mumbled something that
sounded remarkably like “I love you” and ended the call. Flynn sat with him a
moment more, still holding his hand while Gerry pulled himself together, then
drew him gently to his feet.
“Come wash your face and clean up.”
By the time Luath came to find them with
news that they could board and wait on the plane while the technicalities were
sorted out, Gerry looked calmer and more coherent, although he was stunned by
the small jet on the tarmac. The wide cream leather reclining armchairs in the
small private jet were considerably more comfortable than the average passenger
seat in a plane, and he looked around in amazement at the small, blue carpeted
cabin as Luath stowed his bag under one of the seats.
“What’s this?”
“Another of Dale’s incredibly good ideas.”
Luath said dryly. “At a guess,” he added more quietly to Flynn as Gerry explored
the eight seater cabin where several of the chairs were set around a table as
well as some laid out where people could recline and sleep, “Dale’s got at
least one Corporate jet company well trained to drop everything and find him a
plane whenever they hear his name. I’ve flown on a lot of chartered flights
over the years and I’ve never been able to call on planes with no notice and no
set flight plan. Which doesn’t surprise me, I’ve seen Dale in action mode. Is
he working at the moment?”
“No. He wanted to be around to help while
Jas was working with Mason.”
A steward came into the cabin to explain
that a flight plan was agreed and they were now only waiting for a takeoff
slot, and Flynn got up.
“I need to call him and let the others know
what’s going on.”
The phone was in an almost separate part of
the cabin and Flynn leaned there, dialling rapidly. Paul answered directly
after the first ring, and Flynn spoke quietly, turning his back on the main
cabin.
“Hey, it’s me. We’ve got Gerry, he’s ok, and I’m bringing him and Luath back with me, we’re waiting for a takeoff slot out of Corpus Christi. I’m guessing we’ll be there in around four hours. Ash is working on finding a flight out as soon as he can.”
“Any more idea what’s wrong?” Paul said apprehensively.
“Not yet. He spoke to Ash on the phone and
it looks to me more like a bid for help and attention than trying to get away
from anything. He looks in need of a good night’s sleep but nothing worse.”
Paul let go a breath of relief. “Oh thank God for that.”
“How are you?”
Paul let go a breath of relief. “Oh thank God for that.”
“How are you?”
“Riley’s not talking to you but he, Mason
and Jasper are out doing the stock work. Dale’s not happy with me about leaving
them to it, but we’re working on it.”
Flynn grunted, unsurprised. “Don’t let him talk you around. Luath and I will be back by lunchtime, we’ll help with whatever Jas and Ri can’t get around to, that isn’t something you or Dale need to worry about. Is Dale there?”
Flynn grunted, unsurprised. “Don’t let him talk you around. Luath and I will be back by lunchtime, we’ll help with whatever Jas and Ri can’t get around to, that isn’t something you or Dale need to worry about. Is Dale there?”
“I’m not letting him go anywhere, don’t
worry. Hang on.”
Paul passed the phone over and Dale’s voice
took over the line, contained and even in the tone that said everything Flynn
needed to know in two short words.
“Good morning.”
“Hey.” Flynn said softly. “I’m at Corpus Christi, Luath and I met up with Gerry as he came off his plane, we’ve spoken to Ash and decided we’re bringing Gerry back with us while Ash finds a flight out. I’ll be home in around four hours. How are you doing?”
“Hey.” Flynn said softly. “I’m at Corpus Christi, Luath and I met up with Gerry as he came off his plane, we’ve spoken to Ash and decided we’re bringing Gerry back with us while Ash finds a flight out. I’ll be home in around four hours. How are you doing?”
“Do not say ‘fine’.” Paul’s voice said
firmly in the background. Dale sounded more than slightly sardonic.
“We are getting by. Thank you. I haven’t as
yet taken off for a run, or knocked any bookcases over, or required a strait
jacket.”
“So you see we’re all about the positives.” Paul said cheerfully.
“So you see we’re all about the positives.” Paul said cheerfully.
This morning, the positives would be
fragile things. Flynn straightened up, speaking gently as the plane engines
started up. “I think we might have a take-off slot. Dale, I’m going to be home
by lunchtime. Stay with Paul and I’ll see you soon.”
“I will, I promise.”
It was a sincere promise, and Flynn
swallowed on a sharp bolt of tenderness for the sincerity and what it meant,
with no means in a narrow aircraft hallway to express it.
“Keep breathing, kid, you’re doing good. I
love you, I won’t be long.”
“He ok?” Luath asked quietly when Flynn
came back to the group of chairs around the table. Gerry had taken the one next
to Luath and had curled up in it, eyes closed. Flynn took the seat opposite
him.
“Yes. This is the first client he’s seen
come through, it’s taking the lid off a few more things for him, but that’s
good.”
“Reminds me of something from that paper you wrote the beginning of last year. ‘Male Therapists treating Male Clients’.” Luath sipped water, eyes on Flynn. “Men tend not to admit to problems or seek help for themselves until they’re in serious crisis, so once in crisis you’re in no hurry to rush them to a resolution.”
“Reminds me of something from that paper you wrote the beginning of last year. ‘Male Therapists treating Male Clients’.” Luath sipped water, eyes on Flynn. “Men tend not to admit to problems or seek help for themselves until they’re in serious crisis, so once in crisis you’re in no hurry to rush them to a resolution.”
Flynn gave him a candid shrug. “If it’s
taken your guy thirty five years to get himself unglued to the point he’s going
to be receptive and motivated, you might as well help him make the ungluing
worth his while. There’s no need to make this clinical, Dale’s just jettisoning
a lot of emotional crap he knows he doesn’t need any more.”
Luath had seen other men go through that, himself
included and Flynn in particular, and Philip had had a gift for giving men a
safe space to be in while they did it.
“What about this train that Paul and Dale
wrote to us about?” Gerry said without opening his eyes. “Did you find out any
more?”
Luath raised his eyebrows at Flynn, who sat
back in his chair as the stewardess came to ask them to fasten their seatbelts
while the plane taxied out and took off.
“David appears to have known something
about a train robbery in Three Traders during the prohibition era. Dale and Ri
found over five hundred bottles of moonshine stashed on our land in some kind
of bricked up tunnel or siding-”
“What?” Luath said sharply. “Where did they
find that?”
Flynn gave him a straight look.
“They were walking in the woods, and I
think at least in part, Dale was looking for a way to cheer Ri up. So Dale said
oh look, there’s an earthworks from a
railway cut and immediately located a way in, and Riley said great, here’s a rope, follow me. I found
them both underground and neither of them had thought twice about it. And this
is along with a ghost story that seems to have been constructed to keep people
away from a bootlegging racket.”
“The bootleggers were using the train?”
“The bootleggers were using the train?”
“We have no idea.” Flynn said dryly. “We
know the train was robbed, but not of what. We know there was a moonshine
racket and supposedly a gang known in three states that was operating out of
the town with the saloon keeper, and we know where a large stash of moonshine
is, and that’s about it.”
“And a guy painted with phosphorus to glow
in the dark and look like a ghost, and scare the train into stopping at the
right point on the track to be robbed.” Gerry said sleepily.
“Seriously?” Luath said, startled.
“Seriously.” Flynn looked out of the window
as the plane began to move, rolling slowly towards the runway. “We found the
army jacket. Or rather the army jacket blew up, we identified what was left of
it.”
Luath shook his head, bracing himself slightly as the plane turned and the engines gunned in earnest in preparation for takeoff.
Luath shook his head, bracing himself slightly as the plane turned and the engines gunned in earnest in preparation for takeoff.
“There are times I really wonder why I
moved to New York.”
~ * ~
Copyright Rolf and Ranger 2015
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